You Cannot Have Both: Make Your Choice

Today was quite a special day.  I attended my son’s Grade 8 moving-up ceremony.  I can’t call it a graduation just yet – my little man has more to do.  For one minute here - I gotta say that I have a deep sense of pride in having chosen our town to live in when he was just a baby.  My struggle for custody of him began with my hoping to have any presence in his life-any presence, at all. It was close.  One day, he was there.  The next, he was gone – and I had to depend upon a judge to have him remain in my care.

He’s the younger looking one.

I was told that 3.5 days a week was the maximum.  And there’d be sacrifices to get there. 

I had to quit my job as the youngest Superintendent in the State and sell a house I loved to get to that point. I took it pretty hard – one of life’s big decisions.  On the one hand, there was considerable hope and promise in my career.  It hit hard. I wasn’t just stepping away from a job—I was stepping off a fast-moving track. On the other hand, there was this beautiful little boy.  My attorney told me that under no circumstances would I have both.  Make your choice. 

It was an easy one.  And I knew…I just knew that being in a place where he could attend the very best that public education has to offer would be important.  I picked Concord, MA.

Oh man.  That decision paid off.

My education wasn’t quite as consistent as his.  K–4 at one school, then grades 5 & 6 fifty blocks away, in another part of the city.  Back downtown for Grade 7. Then to the other side of town for Grade 8.  High School all in one place, though.  I learned much later in life that when children change schools frequently, it can sometimes mess them up.  Concord would be it for my son, at all costs. 

Facts.

As he leaves Grade 8, he knows how to read music.  He can pick up his trumpet, look at a sheet, and belt out what the dots on the lines are saying to him.  To me, it is like reading hieroglyphics.  With his class, he has visited Manhattan and Washington, D.C. He has had the same friends since Pre-Kindergarten.  And…to the best of my knowledge, he’s never been pushed or punched, called awful names.  And nor has he pushed or punched anyone or been one to say terrible things.

I’d be lying if I wrote that this was exactly how I thought it’d go.  About the only thing that went as I’d hoped was the fact that my son could have this educational, social, and athletic experience. In every other aspect of life, all bets were off. 

I arrived at my son’s school this morning via Uber.  I didn’t expect this – but as my ride approached the school and I could see all the cars, the other parents walking in – it dawned on me that they’d be seeing me hop out of the back seat of a car.  And it wasn’t Uber Black – like the expensive SUVs you can get for a few bucks more.  It was a banged-up, older model Highlander.  My heart started racing and that damn feeling of all eyes on me was back. 

So, around a football field away from the school, I hopped out early.  And as soon as I started walking on the sidewalk…”Hey Mike!”  Walking with another parent toward the building, my heart sank.  Made some small talk—barely heard myself. Just needed to get to the crowd and disappear.

Time to face the facts. 

The schools are the absolute best.  But it’s a chatty town.  And I know that adults can be unkind to one another, behind people’s backs, more often than not. As I walked into the gym, my anxiety with a small “a” became Anxiety with a big “A.”  Heart rate up.  Breathing faster.  Something in the ribcage that’s looking to get out. 

While my eyes were panning for a seat – and I wanted to sit as soon as I possibly could, I saw a hand go up in the air.  A fellow mom and dad waved me over and pointed to an opening they had.   Jesus, that felt good.  Whatever anxiety I had was gone in an instant, and by the time the National Anthem was going, I was back. 

Thinking about my crash and burn moment in January of this year, what people are saying, whether or not I’ll find my way back in my career, hell…what’s gonna happen tomorrow isn’t productive for me.  And for you – if your mind is spinning with a new hurt, an old pain, any problem life throws your way – it isn’t good for you either.  All that matters is your reason.  What got you up today…what kept you moving? Whatever your reason—your kid, your faith, your art – let it be enough to get you through today.

That simple wave and moment of acceptance, giving me a seat, settled me so quickly.  More people like them, please.  A note to all – you can erase the downtrodden in others if you care just a little…like they did for me. Then, when my son walked in to take his seat, I was lost in a great moment.  A feeling of success, happiness, and joy. 

I looked at him, and around the gym – at the brand new school that opened just 12 weeks ago.  I could have never known that the decision I made 13 years ago would bring him here.  Bring us here.  One decision that paid off. 

I’ll take it. 

I just love this one