Only the Gullible Make the Liars Successful - Which One Are You?
There is this behaviorist at Duke University who specializes in deception and lies. His name is Dan Ariely. He has a book about lying, and if you look him up, you will see that he has a memorable facial hair arrangement. I’ve never seen anything like it – and the only thing that I can think when I see it is that it is such a distraction that when he’s talking, his listeners are likely so distracted by the beard that they forget to process whether he is full of shit with what he is saying. I see it that if he is an expert liar, he must have a schtick or two that works for him. Pretty clever, though – rather than making a living suckering people, the guy makes a living studying the actual art of suckering.
One way or another, it is likely that we were all taught not to lie. The act of lying can be recorded as early as two or three years old in children. And for most kids, at a young age, they lie and, when caught, are reprimanded for it. And from there, they have just two choices. A) Don’t lie anymore, or B) Get better at it. When you were a kid, which were you? Jimmy Fallon has a pretty good skit where he asks kids a bunch of questions, and they do as expected – lie, get caught, change the answer. We laugh when we see kids lying on TV with either Fallon or Steve Harvey. And guess who actually started that skit? It was Bill Cosby. I can’t remember what it was called – but it was funny. Bill was funny…until he wasn’t anymore.
All we need is a Truth Fairy
Mr. Cosby is one of the great calamities of our media-driven generation. We hold dear honesty and wholesomeness, which are continually ripped from our hands and set afire. The dishonesty and deception of Lance Armstrong, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, and every other juicer worked for them – financially, at least. Our fathers of the millennium in Tiger, Cosby, Bob Kraft, and a bunch of priests get dishonorable mentions here, too. Then you start thinking about Ray Rice who punched out the love of his life on an elevator. Rice barely fits into this post – but that level of behavior, whether or not it’s a manifestation of PTSD or something else, can’t stand. Ray should have a hard time getting a date, either way. Domestic violence isn’t really deceit. The deceit is in how it is hidden. Since his matter was in high def, he couldn’t get out of it.
John Lovitz used to have a skit on Saturday Night Live where he’d come on stage and just tell whoppers. He was funny. We can all use a little Lovitz in our lives. Unfortunately, this is not the case for the other 7 billion of us on the planet. The liars aren’t like Lovitz and don’t make us laugh. Lying and trashing people is so common these days that we’d be wiser to come up with a hierarchy to classify the lies and trash than we would to just characterize them in a black-and-white, true/false kind of way. Something that starts with exaggeration or embellishment that goes all the way up to fake news.
Early Lovitz from Johnny Carson
Sadly, according to Ariely, lying alters people’s brains. It turns out that the more they lie, the easier it gets to lie – so they lie more. For most people, lies are purposeful – like to escape responsibility or get some fortune to go their way. We all know that Tommy Terrific didn’t lie about the air pressure in the footballs, right? I mean, the only thing he got in trouble for was trashing the phone…or was it what was on it? I can’t remember. All this may be true – yet it doesn’t make the greatest of all time a compulsive liar.
Pretty much everyone knows what it feels like to be lied to and lied about. It is painful, and nobody deserves it. Most of us have been stolen from – at times, in pretty creative ways. When those things happen, they sting, too. Imagine all the lives and families impacted by what Bernie Madoff did to thousands of people. That man strained entire lives and generations. And guess what…Everybody believed Bernie, and they believed in Bernie – all the way until they were broke. And Bernie really didn’t care. Too many people like that out there if you ask me.
Teaching children and students about honesty and dealing with deceit is a crucial aspect of their development. The story of Dan Ariely and others like him underscores the complexity of human behavior, including why people lie and how it affects others. We can instill values that encourage transparency and integrity in parenting and education. By discussing real-life examples and the consequences of deceit, children can learn the importance of honesty as a moral principle and a foundation for trust and healthy relationships. It's essential to create an environment where children feel safe to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment, which fosters open communication and honesty.
Moreover, when addressing the issue of lying and deceit, it's important to emphasize empathy and understanding. Teaching children to recognize why someone might feel compelled to lie and how to respond with empathy can help mitigate the cycle of deceit. Role-playing scenarios, reading stories about honesty versus deceit, and open discussions about their experiences with lying can provide practical lessons. Equally, highlighting the positive outcomes of being truthful and the long-term benefits of building a reputation for integrity can inspire children to choose honesty over deceit. Schools and parents can collaborate on these lessons, ensuring the message is consistent and reinforced in multiple aspects of a child's life. Ultimately, by equipping our kiddos with the tools to navigate the complexities of human behavior, we prepare them to become conscientious, understanding, and ethical adults.