A Mirror, Scale, Voice…And a Yellow Traffic Light

Some things happen privately—especially the things we can’t talk about with friends, family, or even the helper people.

Sometimes, a person closes the bathroom door, looks in the mirror in silence, and doesn’t like what they see. Looking in the mirror is easy when no one’s around. Standing on the scale and not liking the number is easy, too. And for some, waking up with the pounding headache, the bloodshot eyes, the hatred of light and sound—well, that’s the loneliest feeling of all.

Hey Queen - It’s not you. It’s Snow White. Sorry.

Looking in the mirror, they don’t say, “Mirror Mirror on the Wall…”  Rather, they ask themselves, “What are you doing?”  The scale is a whole other thing.  Like, “I gotta do something about this.”  And when they wake up, “I gotta stop.”  The mirror, scale, and body are the only things talking, and no one else knows.  Drinking too frequently, too much…or both, is actually easy to hide.  The right clothes, a nice haircut, maybe an expensive handbag, gym membership, or Gucci sunglasses to accompany an “I got this” vibe – and even a bloodhound will miss it.

When the inside voice says, I shouldn’t drink so much, or, I gotta stop, and even, I want to stop – nobody hears it.  Too many people wake up all like Brittney Spears – Oops, I did it again.  Then, in a few days again, and the next night, again.  Then it is back to the mirror and the scale.  Isn’t it interesting how we want our bodies to look like they are prepared for war, but for our minds, we are only seeking peace? 

I guess Britney knows a little about this, too

Once I realized I wasn’t alone in this thing, changes took place quickly.  When my driver’s license was suspended, getting in better shape kind of happened all on its own.  Take away the empty calories of booze, then with the walking and riding the bike everywhere, 30 pounds disappeared.  Wherever the extra weight went, I should say that it’s taken much of the anxiety with it.  The mirror and the scale have become happier places.  I’ve spent enough time now detached from my keystone habit to know the overwhelming mental, physical, and spiritual impact. 

I hate that I didn’t know it sooner.  Like, I hate it.  So, there’s a bad part to giving up drinking – and that is the thought of missed opportunities, missed connections, and what could have been – if the motivation wasn’t fizzled.  After so long in survival mode, what might life be if I were in thrive mode for the past couple of years?  Those thoughts hurt.  Really.  They hurt so bad.

Since I’ve been writing on the topic, I’ve received some amazing stories. As an aside, it is easier to write from the heart than from the mind.  It feels better to write what I want to say, rather than what I should say.  So, now I know that there are people out there who are in the same spot I was in before I was in this one.  They know they should quit.  They want to quit.  Even tried quitting.  One story – it’s the job – one that requires socialization and camaraderie, both good for business.  And another, it’s the only way to get calm fast – to deal with…home.

Like a traffic light, when it comes to alcohol use and abuse, in particular, I think there are A LOT of people in between green and red.  The problem is that the light is only yellow before it’s red…never yellow before green.  If you are there, ask yourself how long you can stay on yellow. 

Throughout our lives, considerable time and effort are put into preparing ourselves for the next big steps.  We do pre-algebra before Algebra, engagement before marriage, and we have training wheels, internships, prenatal classes, and even stretching…before the run.  No, Pre-Alcoholics Anonymous, though.  By the numbers, this doesn’t make sense to me.  That I, we, you, others have to get utterly banged up in our lives before we learn or understand the most effective catch mechanism that has existed for nearly 100 years. 

This has me thinking and wondering if I could have known sooner – what I know now – what might the impact have been? 

Maybe I wasn’t ready then. Maybe the pounding headache, the mirror, the scale, and the anxiety were my yellow light – and I kept driving through it, thinking I could make it before the red. But yellow is a warning, not a permission slip.

Does this mean speed up to you?

The truth is, nobody can force you to stop at yellow. It’s a decision. A split-second one. The mirror won’t stop you. The scale won’t stop you. The bloodshot eyes and the headache won’t stop you. Only you can stop you.

I realize now I didn’t want to stop drinking — I wanted to start living. I just didn’t know it yet.

If you’re standing at yellow right now, thinking you can coast a little longer, ask yourself:
How much more will you lose before you finally hit the brakes?

If you’re lucky…if you are blessed….really blessed – you’ll listen to the whisper before it becomes a scream.